Mothers Day

Today is May 9, 2010, Mothers Day. I'm going to fill you in on a little secret of mine, something only a few people know, I don't like Mothers Day. I used to and then I became a mom and my first Mothers Day with my daughter was awful, certainly not because of her, but because of my ex. He didn't get me anything, he didn't even acknowledge the day. As a mom, Mothers day is an important day and a day that means a lot to mothers..at least to me anyway. My next Mothers Day was recognized by my parents and close friends and it was the year after that and possibly the year after that, I don't really remember. My daughter is too young to know when Mothers day arrives and it makes me sad that there isn't anyone here to tell her. For the past 3 Mothers days I've been in a relationship; the first one passed with nothing, the second passed with a wonderful card and chocolates and the third one, this one, has passed by as if it's just a normal day and it's been a pretty crappy normal day! Is there anyone out there that knows how I'm feeling? I'm not looking for a gift or a card, I'm just looking for a man to tell my daughter what day it is so she can be excited about it and give me hugs and kisses. Maybe I'm looking at this day all wrong, I don't know, but all I know is that I'm sad every Mothers day. And this particular Mothers day will probably make my feelings of distaste even worse for the next round. I was woken up at 6:30 a.m. to the sound of my dog gagging and throwing up. I crawled out of bed around 7 a.m. because he wouldn't stop crying. I had a few hours of silence as my daughter slept until 9 a.m. We headed to church where she acted out and wouldn't listen. We then headed into town where she behaved the same way as she had in church. We went out for lunch with my boyfriend and his family and had plans to go to their house for dessert. My daughter left with his parents and on the way home my boyfriend and I got in a fight and I ended up spending 2 hours home by myself. (I also had to clean up the mess that the dog left in the kitchen!) It is almost bed time and I have not received a Happy Mothers day from anyone and I feel sad and almost sorry for myself and I feel like that is okay. As a single mom you don't get a break, which is fine, and Mothers day is never an exception and I'm only sad because a part of me feels like my daughter is missing out because she'd probably really love having someone to help her share in this day with me. As she gets older it will be different so maybe, just maybe, next year, as she's a year older, it will be different.

Just starting out...

First off, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a 28 year old single mom raising a beautiful 5 year old little girl. Often times I've found myself searching the internet for articles, books, conversation, you name it, regarding my unique situation and so far I've come up empty handed. I've been on Google browsing this that and everything and came across blogging and thought that blogging what I've always been searching for on the internet might help someone who's looking for the same thing. Now I'm not 100% sure where this blog will take us, but I am looking to vent and allow others to vent. I'm also looking to help people who are going through the same things I've gone through and looking for those who may be able to help me and others out there.

Just to start I'll give a brief history of the last 4 1/2 years of my life being a single parent, well really it did start the day my daughter was born and then you could almost say that it started the day I found out I was pregnant.

I grew up wanting nothing more than a family. I always wanted to be a wife and a mom and live in a beautiful big house with a white picket fence. Well, it certainly hasn't ended up to be that perfect picture of my dream future when I was 16. But, the life that I have has been all worth it and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I found out I was pregnant in 2004 and anxiously awaited the arrival of my bundle of joy and in 2005 I met my beautiful daughter! I quickly learned that I was going to be a single mom, but just didn't know when that day of it just being me and her would arrive. When my daughter was 5 1/2 months old my life changed for the better. What I didn't know was that the next 4 1/2 years were going to bring about many challenges, tears, laughter, joy, love and memories to last a life time.

Over the years we've been through a lot, but the last year has proved to be our hardest. In the next blog I'll focus more on what we're going through now and the difficulties that we face every day.

I welcome any comments, questions or topics of discussion.

I hope you'll join me as I tell stories and share in some advice and possibly wisdom of what it's like to Survive Single Parenting.